ofenchant's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you survive?
My memory is filled with holes and blurred images that just stay blurry. The words, you see, they have disappeared from my mind. It's hard to stay positive, what with life and everything. I've always been wary of sounding gloomy unless I could pretend that it was beautiful agony, the way you stumble through teenage angst. Now it's all very dry and succinct. I don't care about reason. Clarity resonating in another person's mind. I am getting quieter and shy, like I used to be. There are more people now, who could happily revel in my misfortune. Except I'm not unfortunate. The brain fog. I think it's because my stomach hurts and I won't have any money for at least five years. Sometimes it tricks my brain. My niece is a little person now. My Grandmother is losing it. My Aunt came back from Israel and made me yearn for a day of solitude beside the Dead Sea. In fact if I could do anything now, it would be that. My Mother is 49 in minutes. My Father is a workaholic. My brother is married to his wife. My husband is. My puppy dogs are. I always do this, don't I. My painting is haphazard. I'd like to say it's improving, but I just can't see to tell. I think I'll go back to drawing for awhile. 11:21 p.m. - 2007-05-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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